William Fitzsimmons & Priscilla Ahn - I Don't Feel It Anymore

[Track 2 from the album The Sparrow and the Crow]
"The wrongdoer opens with an enigmatic confession laced with grief and remorse. The betrayed and wounded spouse attempts to reconcile her emotional losses against her years invested into the relationship. The hurting and the sorrow overwhelm both, and they acknowledge the tenuous state of their love in the absence of trust.

In each other’s company the couple dwells in an apparently inescapable eddy of sorrow. Unable to find solid footing to escape the whirlpool of loss and betrayal each regretfully surrenders to the abyss of loneliness where they can experience occasional moments without unremitting declarations of a dying relationship."  

While this may describe more or less of what has happened to my own relationship, I feel less of an emotional or personal connection to its uncanny lyrics and more of a sense of appreciation for the haunting beauty of the song as a whole--how it captures the essence of apathy, despair, melancholy, regret, and resignation.  This disconnection may stem from my lack of regret, which allows for the blossoming of hope and possibility as I turn toward a new direction in life.  Still, the poet in me has always loved the line, "We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string..."  It's a really beautiful song.   

Hold on this will hurt more than anything has before

What it was, what it was, what it was

I've brought this on us more than anyone could ignore

What I've done, what I've done, what I've done

I've worked for so long just to see you mess around

What you've done, what you've done, what you've done

I want back the years that you took when I was young

I was young, I was young but it's done

Oh, take it all away

I don't feel it anymore

Oh, take it all away

Oh, take it all away

I don't feel it anymore

Oh, take it all away

We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string

Everything, everything, here is gone

No map can direct how to ever make it home

We're alone, we're alone, we're alone

Oh, take it all away

I don't feel it anymore

Oh, take it all away

Oh, take it all away

I don't feel it anymore

Oh, take it all away

"Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place.  But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around."  -E.L. Konigsburg

I think I've found it--and I'm going to take it and run with it a little haphazardly, with the person who's made me feel this way.  

It's funny how things turn out.  Everything is going to be different now--the future remains ever as uncertain and I have absolutely no clue what to expect from my endeavors, but after all that's happened this year, I've discovered that I kind of like it like this.  After all, why so serious?  It feels liberating.

Possibility and potential awaits--perhaps, even promising prospects further along down the road.   But for now, no matter.

Whatever happened, happened.
Whatever happens, happens.

I'm not going to dwell too much on it; only Time can tell.  I guess you can say, I've come to certain terms with Life that I haven't been able to do before, and more importantly, with myself--who I've been, what I've done, what I can do, what I can't, and who I am now.  I don't regret anything.  

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"  -Albert Camus

Jean Philippe Patisserie, Las Vegas

Imperial:  Flourless cake with chocolate mouse & crème brûlée covered in dark chocolate ganache and praline crisp

I just spent the last hour developing plans with E.  He took my fantastical ideas seriously and volunteered to draw out the blueprints for my dream café, figuring out the technical aspects of it for me.  Idealism only takes you so far, apparently.  

For some odd reason, he was really against the idea of mushroom tables and chairs.  Upon indignant questioning, he said, "Well, realistically, fungi are associated with death and decay."

Pffft.  Engineers.

Grilled/raw oysters with D.

Summer Plan/Reminders

6/15:  Moe & Carin 2-6, Aleks 9-12
6/16:  Denise 3-7
6/17:  Mandy 12-6
6/18:  Johnny & Peter 1-3, Andrew 3-6, David 6-12
6/19:  Chris (?)

6/20-7/29:  [Davis] Eric, Ronda, Betty, Kenny, Ken, Steven, KB

6/23-6/27:  [San Diego, Las Vegas] Allister Cindy & Carin, Carolyn, Manuel

7/29-9/18:  [San Francisco] Aleks, Chris, Allister, Inoo, Denise, Andy, Ryan, Felix, Johnny, Monique, Juliana, David, David, Kenny, Justin, Kyle, Virginia, Andrew, Moe, etc. 

8/30-9/7:  [Boston] Grandma

Notes:
-Practice driving at least half the week, possibly try for my license
-Familiarize myself with the Driver's Handbook
-Neuter Aldo
-Remember to give people their birthday gifts
-Produce at least 1 piece of artwork each week while you're in Davis
-Beauty blog with Denise
-Email Fregly
-Photoshoot with Ezra
-Photograph Cristalle's products
-Prepare baked goods and activities for Grandma before Boston trip
-Lunch/Dinner with Calonico & Phillips
-Dinner with Garrick and Mandy
-Not likely, but possibly work a day or two once a week at Eggettes
-Not likely, but possibly host reunion potluck
-Apply for prospective jobs in Davis before Fall quarter
-Apply for prospective blogging jobs if time

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Louis Pasteur, Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and Albert Einstein.”

- H. Jackson Brown