I used to think that I could be better

Or that we could be better.

But I find that the more these kinds of situations come up, the more tired I am.  And I believe less and less, especially when through these ordeals I'm being told that that's just how they are as a person.  It's such a commitment to the self.  It's such an unproductive, not progressive, useless, self centered statement.

When you are in relationship, it's not about that person accepting you for everything that you are.  If it is, s/he is always going to have to make sacrifices to accommodate for you.

Relationships are about compromises.

But when I'm continually being told That's just how I am, That's not who I am, This is just going to happen again, You're always like this--it makes me start to believe it.   It makes me believe things aren't going to change.  Or that I'm going to be the one that has to in order to makes things work, and it doesn't mean I'll be any happier during these moments, it'll just mean there will be less arguments.



It's the small, reoccurring things that eat away the value of things.

I haven't moved!

I just figured it was time to make some of my thoughts more open to the public.

http://aijoboo.blogspot.com/

But I will still be here for my more personal moments.

Things of the heart.

I told G. that if he didn't stop hitting me on the head with his projectiles, candy or not, I would come to the other side and smash his computer.

With his face.



He stopped.

I've started to become used to being pelted with candy by the boys from the other side of my cubicle.

Today, a balled-up napkin clocked me on head.

"Call me ♥.  925.324.xxxx"

Score.

Now I can order to-go when they walk to McDonald's.

The other day, Oas told me that grains were not meant for human consumption and that they were actually more unhealthy than they were beneficial for me, despite my weak protests about fiber.

Just when I thought  I was doing something right by eating oatmeal every morning.

I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

04/18/13 Greenwood Pier Inn

The ocean hugged the land of sand and waved us along as we cruise by.

There's something about ocean blues that can never be quite captured on camera, nor in memory, much less replicated in a crayon.  Blues and greens and inbetweens ripple across the water--an ever shifting, glinting glass of possibilities, catching light and reflecting life below.  As we gazed, lost in reverie, E.E. Cummings reverberated in the back of my mind, "For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) its always ourselves we find in the sea."

How lovely it is to watch the light fade from the day--cozy in the heart, cozy in your arms.

We found ourselves in a small town off the coast, a quaint place known as Elk.  Quiet and queer, it is here where we spent an afternoon wandering the shoreline collecting sea glass and exploring the spaced out settlements for items of interest...

Specifically, flourless chocolate cake drizzled in raspberry sauce topped with vanilla ice cream paired with oven fresh bread pudding soaked in strong, sweet whiskey syrup.

Two glasses of sparkling wine and a small parade of candles accompanied us in our hot tub, where we sat with wreathes of foam resting on our heads.  Soap bubbles winked in the light.

In the morning, breakfast was served.

And of course, we took another bubble bath.

Silly.