Apparently, I play pool now.

 "Shit, shit, shit.  I'm cramping, I'm cra--GOD. DAMN.  MY JEANS ARE TOO TIGHT. I'm stuck.  How awkward. "

"I don't care if I make it, I just care about how I look doing it."

Somehow, I managed to win last game--in exactly that position above, which, apparently is illegal because at least one of my feet has to touch the floor.